Arla Ford

Raising emotionally healthy, well-adjusted children requires relentless commitment to providing love, acceptance and security, along with the discipline of limits and responsibility.

The parental tasks that contribute to well-regulated child developmental goals are multiple and challenging. Some authors distinguish between the soft side of love and the tough side of love. Sometimes the job will seem overly intense, but most days the necessity of consistency can seem downright boring and fatiguing. Parents are charged with making tough decisions on varied topics.

As if this pile of responsibilities were not enough for parents, new parents need to be prepared for the confusing messages constantly transmitted through the culture that undermine their authority and values. I have written before about the arduous challenges of raising our children while trying to counteract the commercials that tout ridiculous coveting of extravagant toys, indulgent diets and unlimited freedoms.

When our parents raised us, all the neighbor children and their parents were pretty much on the same page of reasonable expectations. Specifically, none of my peers were permitted to stay up until midnight, drink Pepsi for breakfast, speak disrespectfully to (or even about) adults, have premarital sex or watch much TV. We were expected to play outside, clean the house without bellyaching, drink our milk, obey adults and set a good example for the younger kids. Every other parent on the block delivered the exact same lectures. Kids did not feel entitled to fashionable clothes, a TV in their room, unlimited cell and texting, or meals made to their preference. Eating at a restaurant was reserved for birthdays or traveling. Interestingly, television at that time contributed to the preservation of family values, respect and responsibility.

As values continue to deteriorate, parents are deluged with pressure to conform to the “tolerant” culture while their children are bombarded with pressure to breathe cigarette- or marijuana-polluted air, view shockingly blasphemous television, and have “safe sex” without benefit of marriage. Television programming promotes sassy, disrespectful relationships.

What is wrong with this picture? God has been left out of the equation. As Christian values of love, respect, commitment, hard work, honesty, integrity and morality have been relegated to some marginalized place of narrow mindedness, we wonder that crime, divorce, hatred and violence increases.

A recent Bible Study led to a discussion of our need for standardized measurements and weights. Our country has established absolute, universal standards for what constitutes a pound or a ton, an inch, centimeter, or yard. We can “count” on it. Similarly, God has raised up a standard for measuring our devotion and following Him. We need His road map, His direction, His owner’ manual for how to live this life.

When we operate by His standards, we will not be confused when good gets portrayed as bad, and while bad promotes itself as good. We need yardsticks, measurement tools to clearly discern good and bad, right and wrong. When most television programming portrays Christians as ridiculous, rigid, and self-righteous, we have to counter that somehow to the solid truth of God’s word. 

Standing up for the underdog, choosing not to participate in illegal activities, resisting peer pressure, or doing “right” may not be popular. But practicing an attitude of gratitude, finding contentment, loving your neighbor, and helping widows and orphans are bedrock foundations for healthy, godly living.

God holds up a high standard — one you and I cannot possibly meet. But then in His mercy, He provides a way to receive his forgiveness and opportunity to be reconciled to Him and His ways. Knowing Jesus makes all the difference when we as parents are trying so hard to lead and guide our children to be decent, moral, productive, contributing citizens who know and love God.

(“Relationships” questions can be sent to Arla Ford, 3803 Vista Court, North Bend, OR 97459; or e-mail to the Fords at counsel@charter.net or by going to the Web site at www.craigandarla.com. Questions cannot be answered individually.)