Amie VanRooyen wanted a house full of children. Marge Scott thought her youngest child needed a sibling. The state and county needed adults willing to provide a home — albeit a temporary home — for foster children.

And there it was: a life-changing solution for all involved. VanRooyen is able to keep her house full of children. Scott found a companion for her child and the state got two foster mothers. That doesn’t mean family life became easier.



“You can’t go to dinner with your friends,” Scott said.

She explained that as a foster parent she then had additional children to take along, making it difficult to attend functions with friends. It is similar to when a childless couple has a first child. That can make it hard to keep friends.

The two women turned to a support group: the Coos County Foster, Adoptive and Relative Parent Association.

Foster parents have a social circle. State foster home certifier Greg Reichenberger said the group sponsors a number of social events. There is a picnic the group holds each September. There are other events such as a Rogue River trip and the recent Walk Me Home fundraiser.

With other foster parents as friends, parents develop a support system and a network.

When a foster parent needs a vacation — time to visit family or simply time for a child — she can go to another foster parent for help. Other foster parents can provide respite care, stepping in to give a family time to get away.

Scott and VanRooyen’s support system provides them a way to combat stigmas that might be associated with being a foster parent. Many people think that Child Welfare — the state — is simply out to take children away from parents and not bring families back together. That isn’t the case, Reichenberger said.

The state may take a child if there is sufficient reason — evidence — to do so, he said. And even then, the goal is to help the family reunite.

That’s where it can be hard for foster parents. When Reichenberger has new foster parents, he has to remind them that the child isn’t there forever.

“The biggie is to be ready to let them go,” he said, since a child may be there for a long period of time or just a week.

VanRooyen said it is hard not to get attached especially when it is important to make the foster child loved and part of a family.

When the time came for one of the children VanRooyen was caring for to leave, she didn’t want to give the child back. But she said she knew it was selfish not to and it was best for the child to go back to biological parents. VanRooyen had built a relationship of sorts with the parents, and the child still is part of her life. Now she’s more an aunt than the mother.

A foster parent isn’t the only one whose emotions are impacted by the system. Scott and Reichenberger said a foster child may have number of issues, such as attention deficit disorder and dealing with physical and/or sexual abuse.

Foster parents receive between 20 to 23 hours of initial training, Reichenberger said, which is followed up with about 30 hours every two years.

Foster parenting is expensive, too. Money is the No. 1 reason why individuals and families choose not to be foster parents, Reichenberger said.

“You aren’t going to make money,” VanRooyen said.

The state provides parents with some funding, and the state provides medical and dental coverage, according to the state’s Department of Human Services Web site. But the state funding doesn’t always cover the costs, Scott said, as she pointed to other activities a child might want to participate in, such as music lessons.

Clothes are expensive, and the cost exceeds what the state provides, VanRooyen said. The state provides about $125 per child for clothing, while the Oregon Youth Authority provides up to $200.

As a result, foster parents look for alternatives. In Coos County, the foster parents work with area businesses to run a clothes closet for the children. Some area hairstylists provide free haircuts to foster children.

Reichenberger said homes have to meet safety regulations, such as having smoke detectors in each room. And there are repair costs. Both VanRooyen and Scott said a foster child can be very destructive.

Despite all of the changes a foster parent goes through, Scott and VanRooyen don’t regret their decision. When a foster child graduates high school, even goes to college, Scott said she knows she was successful because the child was.

“We’re in it for the children,” VanRooyen said.