Major General Stanley (Bob Hundhausen, left) demonstrates his violin skills to the Pirate King (Neville Cordell, right) and first mate Samuel (Benjamin Rich) in the Bandon Playhouse production of “The Pirates of Penzance” at the Sprague Community Theater. World Photo by Steve McCasland

BANDON — Pirates have it rough.

Hard work, little pay and no respect aren’t great for recruiting, and that’s probably why the job no longer exists. Plus it takes a lot of attitude, which gets in the way of doing all the work.

Fortunately, there’s still a place for those with an abundance of attitude: the theater.

About a billion dollars in recent movie grosses indicates the theatrical pirate remains alive and well.

In fact, a troupe of them has taken over the Sprague Community Theater, where the Bandon Playhouse production “The Pirates of Penzance” opens tonight.

The group describes the Gilbert and Sullivan musical’s setting on the rocky shore of southwestern England, as similar to the Oregon Coast. Indeed, Penzance was meant to refer to a lazy seaside resort town — about as fear-inspiring as “the pirates of Bandon.”

It’s hard to imagine these pirates doing anything worse than illegally downloading show tunes.

However, the lack of useful crime leaves them short on cash.

“Why can’t we make piracy pay?” asks one of them, Samuel (Benjamin Rich).

On his 21st birthday in 1877, Frederic (Chris Beebe), the pirates’ indentured servant, is eager to get away from this bunch. Not because their incompetence has kept him hungry for the last 13 years, but because he disapproves of their lifestyle. Nevertheless, with a half-hour remaining until his service contract expires, he feels duty-bound to advise them on how they might go about it better.

The problem, Frederic explains, is that they are too soft. They never attack anyone weaker than them, which results in a lot of futile efforts against those stronger. And whenever they’re lucky enough to make a conquest, the captives play to their emotions by claiming to be orphans, which forces the Pirate King (co-director Neville Cordell) to let them free.

There’s a wide age range among this pirate crew (Destyni Fuller, Paul Hay, Josiah Hay, Russel Hay, Johnna Hickox, Bill Movius, Gareth Williams and Don Williston), but regardless of how far away they are from their childhood, when all were orphans, none can let it go. It’s this widely known soft spot that precludes successful marauding.

Frederic’s advice is to become better criminals, though he intends to fight and kill them for that once he’s free.

A more forward-thinking solution might be to recast the pirate ship as a floating orphanage and school for wayward boys, applying for state funding, as well as grants. The ever-dutiful Frederic could serve as a shining example of their program’s success.

However, having gone more than a decade without seeing a woman other than Frederic’s former nurse, Ruth (Jeani Hamilton), the pirates have other things on their minds.

As he leaves the ship, Frederic briefly considers taking Ruth with him and marrying her, though she’s quite a bit older at 47 and his ideal mate is about 17. He changes his mind upon seeing a group of girls (Deryl Beebe, Tessa Fuller, Cindy Hay, Hope Hay, Zeta Hay, Hickox, Lorna Murphy, Haley Nolan, Betty Robertson and Kinzi Silburn) headed to the beach.

Instead, Frederic decides to try his luck with the girls, using the rarest of pickup lines: He asks if any of them are desperate enough to marry him. And Mabel (co-director Kerry Oxford) volunteers that she is. Without any attempt to verify that she’s under 47, the match is made.

While Frederic and Mabel get acquainted, the other 10 pirates come ashore and find the other 10 girls, who are improbably all sisters, all single and all of marriageable age. Despite their eagerness to get to know the young women, the pirates, as well-mannered Victorian gentlemen, insist upon marriage first.

Before that can happen, the girls’ father, Major General Stanley (Bob Hundhausen) arrives, wearing the traditional British military uniform of a red coat and golf pants. As he introduces himself with a dissertation on his vast knowledge of math, science and the humanities, the musical finds its true purpose: for Gilbert and Sullivan to satirize this particular kind of British official and to display their ability to find rhyme after rhyme among four- and five-syllable words.

The cast also includes Bill Binnewies. Music is provided by accompanist Tom Collins, and Jo Ann Reierson serves as vocal director.

The show runs through Aug. 31. Performances are at 7:30 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays and at 2 p.m. Sundays. Tickets are $15 and $12 for students and seniors.

Entertainment editor Chip Dombrowski can be reached at cdombrowski@theworldlink.com or 269-1222, ext. 243.