Keynote speaker Sharon Johnson, associate professor at Oregon State University’s Southern Oregon Research and Extension Center, spoke about “Caring for Ourselves” at the Women’s Health Day, Saturday morning in the Harbor Building in Bandon. -World Photo by Jack Carrerow

BANDON — Chronic illness can take a huge toll, not only on the person who is sick, but on the person who is caring for him.

“I used to think that I would die first,” Mara Spang, 59, of Bandon said, remembering the toll taking care of a husband with cancer eventually took on herself.

Spang and other women who are or have been caregivers at one time in their lives listened and learned about how to cope with the stresses of taking care of elderly parents, spouses who are chronically ill, young children and others in people’s lives who need care Saturday at the fifth-annual Women’s Health Day presented by Southern Coos Health District.

In a relaxed setting — complete with decorations of pink netting and daffodils — an audience of about 100 people including caregivers, their friends and members of agencies associated with caregiving, collaborated in the Harbor Building in Bandon.

The keynote speaker, Sharon Johnson, an Oregon State University associate professor and certified Powerful Tools of Caregiving trainer, identified six stages of caregiving (see sidebar). She said the caregiver progresses from one level to the next as the person she is taking care of becomes more dependent and demands increase. She said because of advances in health care, people are living longer, which stretches out the time caregiving is needed. The average time an Alzheimer’s patient needs caregiving has increased from five to eight years to about 20 years, according to Johnson.

But, she said, the sixth stage, after the patient dies, can often be the toughest.

“The person is gone. You feel you didn’t give enough,” Johnson said.

Johnson’s advice struck a chord with Spang, who recollected caring for her former husband for the four years he was ill, up until his death.

“I think when you start getting into caregiving, you are strong and healthy,” Spang said. “But, later you don’t know when to stop.”

Spang, who has since remarried, recalled that when her former husband was sick, she felt exhausted, and also frustrated that she didn’t have all the answers.

“You pick up the chores, and try to do them before they notice so they don’t feel bad,” she said. “You end up doing all of it; and then when they die, you’re doing nothing.”

Once her husband was gone, Spang remembered having to learn how to be herself again.

“You have to relearn what brings a smile to your face, and what you enjoy,” she said.

She said she also attended Saturday to help her with her work as a massage therapist.

“My work is caregiving,” she said. “When they come in for a massage, it’s their moment to do something for them.”

During her presentation, Johnson stressed the importance of the caregiver recognizing burnout.

“Never let yourself get too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired,” she said, using the acronym “HALT.”

She said each caregiver can have a different warning sign telling her she needs to seek help, by contacting someone through one of the caregiving support agencies available, such as At Ease Home Care in Coos Bay, or making just a phone call to an understanding friend. Caregivers need a support system of people they can talk to, she said.

“I know I’m close to burnout when someone says something kind to me and I break out in tears,” Johnson said.

Johnson said a good method of relaxation is doing breathing exercises, such as breathing in for seven seconds and out for 11 seconds, in what she called the 7-11 breathing method.

“It makes you more mentally alert,” she said.

She recommended developing an action plan in which the caregiver can take baby steps toward feeling better — mentally, emotionally and physically.

“Change just one thing,” Johnson said, adding that if the initial plan doesn’t seem realistic, cut it back. Walk one day a week instead of three days, or make a decision to sit down while eating.

Careen Pierce, 77, of Bandon, said she already knew some of what Johnson was talking about, but since she is still taking care of her husband who had a stroke three-and-a-half-years ago, she needs continuing support.

She said she learned from people at At Ease Home Care.

“People came to my house and taught me. They let me know I can care for someone and still have a life,” Pierce said.

She also has been following an exercise regimen.

“I go swimming every day, which is wonderful,” she said. “I go to the beach.”

Marcene Rebeck, 54, a Jazzercise instructor from Bandon who had a booth set up during Health Day, said she was there to help others who may be interested in exercising through dance.

Rebeck, who said in her own life she spreads herself too thin, said she has been instructing people for 18 years to make them more aware of the necessity of exercise in daily life, especially as they get older.

“Dance, to me, is very therapeutic,” Rebeck said.

Johnson said caregivers of spouses have a 63 percent higher chance of dying before their spouses do. Caregivers need to learn to prioritize, she said, to decide that not everything that is important is urgent. She said that sometimes telling “little fiblets” to the person being cared for, to allow more time to accomplish a task, is OK. She used  examples of when her own mother asked for hairnets and she made an excuse to put it off for a couple of days; and when her father needed a bed bath, which she didn’t feel comfortable doing, she found another caregiver to do it.

“Know your capacity,” Johnson said. “We are all our own heroes, we need to look to one another, and care for ourselves.”

Johnson was just one of several speakers who spoke during Women’s Health Day, about topics ranging from: “Aging Concerns/Truth or Myth,” presented by local providers Dr. Megan Holland and family nurse practitioner, Anne Morgan; to “The Stress Sandwich,” a presentation on nutrition by Oregon State University associate professor Stephanie Polizzi; and “Caring for Others,” by Oregon Health Sciences University general nurse practitioner Heather Young.

Proceeds raised at Womens Health Day will go to the Southern Coos Health Foundation to buy a computerized radiology system for x-rays, according to Marlene Davis, a volunteer who helped organize a silent auction held during the event.