Grandparenting column

Dear Grandparenting: To no one’s surprise, my son’s ex got the grandkids after their ugly divorce. My son George has custody every other weekend. Pretty soon George and I noticed things were different. The grandkids began to stop making direct eye contact, or they left the room when we entered. They used to have lots to say, and the house was filled with noise they made. But now there are mostly long silent spells.

I was ready for some fallout after the divorce, but I never imagined my son’s former wife would turn on me, too. George says his ex constantly badmouths our entire side of the family to her kids. So now what? Do I sit back and let her fill my grandchildren’s little heads with lies to poison our relationship? Or do I defend myself and set the record straight with my grandchildren?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to start trouble. But repetition is the key to learning, and if George’s ex keeps telling my grandchildren time and again that I’m a rotten old soul, they might actually think it’s true. — Tiffany Ness, Philadelphia, Penn.

Dear Tiffany: Don’t take the bait and start a war of words. If you begin throwing verbal karate chops, you’re most likely to only injure your grandchildren, who now emotionally identify with their mother. So if you say bad things about her, your grandchildren will think they’re bad too! 

Take the high road instead. Be the truly great grandmother who’s non-judgmental and always welcoming. In the end, your grandkids will come running back. Why? Because children are more perceptive than most adults give them credit for being. They’ll soon realize that you, like them, are victims of the divorce wars.

Grand Remark

“You know you’re a grandfather when you call the other kid a show-off, just because he’s better at football than your grandson.” From Stas, Casa Grande, Ariz.

(Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD 21285-0454.)