My friend acknowledges that her husband knows her more deeply and completely than anyone on the planet. They enjoy their retirement years together, finding fruitful ministry opportunities every where they look. They are like-minded in pursuing their purpose and meaning in life. Then she laughs as she observes that this man, who knows her so intimately for over five decades, more often than not, gets it wrong when he tells another what his wife thinks.

We laugh hearing her tell this story, recognizing that we likewise experience that same phenomenon when our children or lifemate wrongly and inexplicably assumes, infers, supposes or surmises what we think. How can they know us, live with us, listen to us, care about us, and yet have these amazingly clouded and wrong perceptions of our thoughts, feelings, and reasonings?

“Arla hates flowers!”

There was a time when Craig actually said and believed that.

Are you kidding me? Me, hate flowers? I love flowers. Just because I told him to never, ever buy me flowers in no way means I that I don't like them. For several years in our marriage, he thought he knew my thinking on this subject: Arla doesn't like flowers. Yes, I freely admit that I scolded him pretty severely during destitute college days when he spent hard-earned money on a Valentine's Day spray of daisies, ferns and baby's breath. He apparently didn't “rightly divine my truth”- that I love fragrant flowers: lilacs, sweetpeas, lilies, jasmine, honeysuckle, carnations, roses and whatever the posies are growing on my south side. I plant, cut and enjoy these enchanting creations every chance I get. I even coaxed Craig to pick from my generous neighbor's lilac bush, burgeoning with beautiful bouquets last week.

Finally, my husband understands that I adore flowers, but please do not spend lots of money on something that will be wilted and going in the garbage next week. Big difference!

I imagine that most marriages have those clunks where what you think your mate thinks does not match what your mates actually think. The discrepancy could come from a changed mind or sadly, from a deliberate deception. But more than likely, it arises from a simple misunderstanding or a wrong guess and a failure to go to the source.

I have witnessed couples experience total shock to discover these discrepancies of perception. They believed with their whole heart that their mates agrees that Ranch rules as the family favorite salad dressing, that a mom should stay home with the children, that abortion kills babies. Hubby may assume that wife agrees that artificial Christmas trees are from the devil, that since pink is her favorite color, she will love the pink VW he bought her, or that her idea of vacation involves the kids and Disneyland when she was thinking of a kidless cruise.

To avoid these communication gaps, we recommend going to the source. I will gladly tell Craig what I think and likewise he can clarify and tell me what he thinks if/when I get it wrong. I am the source of what I think. Craig is the source of his thinking. When you want to please your man (or woman), don't read some magazine to figure out what most men want. Don't assume that you husband likes the same recipes that your dad likes. Go to the “owner's manual.” Go to the source.

Craig may not like my opinions and preferences. I may not approve of all of his. But we want to live a peaceable life together, submitting to one another, so it works best when we dwell with each other according to knowledge.

Likewise, don't rely on your guesses and “by gollies” to figure out what blesses God. He provided a rich resource of his wisdom and thinking: the Holy Scriptures. I can know what God thinks about tons of topics.

In Exodus 34: 6, God clearly tells Moses (and us) exactly what he thinks, what he wants us to think about him. No wondering or conjecturing. No guessing.

God says it; that settles it - whether I like his ideas, preferences, or reasons or not.

He proclaimed: “The Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”

Our lives flow best when we acknowledge God in all our ways, so that he can direct our paths. He will lead us on paths of righteousness; he restores our souls. He wants us to turn from our wicked ways so that he can provide for us and prosper us. Let God, the source of all wisdom, teach you what he thinks.